Are you ready to adopt?
By Barbara Holtan; reprinted from Adoptive Families Magazine

You're thinking of adopting a child. You're learning as much as you can about the process and the issues. But, you keep coming back to the same question: How will I know when I am ready to take this life-changing step? To answer this question you need to think about why you want to adopt. Your motives can reveal a lot about your readiness. To help you assess them, I have assembled a variety of motives expressed over the years by families that I have worked with. None of these is made-up. Perhaps you will recognize yourself in one-or several. Beside each motive, I have offered my opinion or advice regarding the wisdom of such thinking.

I want to adopt because.... Reasons versus Barb's advice

I want a playmate for my birthchild./ Hire a neighbor's child.

My religion tells me to reach out to those less fortunate than I /Put a big donation in the collection plate next Sunday.

My infertility is a constant sadness. It hurts terribly. / Infertility is devastating, but you must understand that adopting does not cure it.

We are quite well off and could give so many things to a child. /Write a check to your favorite children's charity.

Our marriage is shaky and a child will bring us back together. / It will never happen.

Since we can't have birth children, I guess there is no difference anyway. /It's a start, but you need to get past that notion of second best.

We might as well adopt. / No.

Neither is better or worse, but adoptive parenting and birthparenting are really the same, aren't they? / They ARE different.

I really want to adopt but my husband is ambivalent. He'll come around once the child is ours. / What if he doesn't?

I feel so empty inside. A child will fill up that emptiness. /Find a friend.

I just want to cry when I think about all those poor homeless children. I think I'll take one in. / No child needs pity. / Donate to the missions.

There's absolutely no child that I couldn't love./ Ouch! I could show you a few. I am a teacher (or mental health professional or social worker or doctor) and I am a "pro" at dealing with children. / Being a child professional is a lot different than being someone's parent.

All these children really need is a lot of love. / I used to think that, too. Now I know better.

I/We just really like kids and want to add one (or more) to our family. I want to be someone's parent. I know I have a lot to learn but I want to begin. / Yes! Go for it, you're on the right road.

Barbara Holtan is Adoption Director at Tressler Lutheran Services in York, Pennsylvania. She and her husband are the parents of three children by adoption and two by birth.